This reporter has finished reading his copy of Deathly Hallows, and here is the spoiler information in all its glory:
The two characters who die are Ron and Hermione, who are killed in mid-coitus by a single death curse thrown by Bellatrix LeStrange.
Kreacher does not appear in the book. However, on the second-to-last page, Dobby says to the reader, "Dobby bets the reader thought Kreacher would appear, didn't you? Ha ha! Rowling burned the reader."
Voldemort is wiped of all his powers, and placed in charge of Hasbro. We learn that the entire series takes place a few years in the past, and Voldemort's first order of business as Hasbro CEO begins with the ominous words: "Collectors are stupid. Here's what I want you to do. Take a Clonetrooper. Take any paint you have on hand...."
I also heard that, after Dobby appears to mention Kreacher, Neville comes in and says, "Oh, and I really don't amount to anything. The prophecy was all a red herring. Peace out, niggas!"
