the vynsane asylum

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Sun May 21, 2006 3:21 pm

Kid - you've got ALL the shit problems. Rice, Applesauce, Bananas and Toast (BRAT diet) for you from now on... that's how we used to have to feed the kids when their shit would go through the eye of a needle.

Slimmie · Post by **Slimmie** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:40 pm

Ooooh I had a legendary one today........
I was in meetings almost all day today, so I didn't get my usual whoppertunity to 'crop dust' around the office & shop when I felt a little gas build up. Build up it did. My stomach was making those weird "either I'm really hungry, or I got a huge shit-a-brewin'" sounds all afternoon. Strangely I didn't cut one fart on the ride home. But when I got home I instantly felt the need to tighten up and high tail it to the shitter. Wasn't sure if it was a solid, liquid, or gas so I dedided not to take any chances. As soon as cheek hit seat a massive 10 second fart was released. Floating somewhere in the middle of said fart, was a turd, which shot like a fucking bullet from my sphincter. I don't think this thing ever touched my asshole. Like a fucking bullet. I swear if I wasn't on the can I coulda shot this thing a good 12 feet. Good thing I hadn't eaten any peanuts or I may have cracked the bowl. Legendary I tell ya, quite possibly the best shit ever.

Slicker · Post by **Slicker** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 2:03 am

Maybe it's the beer in me but I'm laughing harder than I've laughed in some fucking time Timm.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 2:15 am

A week or so ago, our manager bought us lunch and we had a meeting to air our gripes and all. Well the meeting lasted about 90 minutes and afterwards about 6 of us had to shit. We all hightailed it to the bathroom and proceeded to stink the place up. There were 5 stalls, so one guy had to stand there and wait fror the first one to finish. It was shit house raunchy man, skunks would have ran away it smelled so bad.

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 3:19 am

Ah, the old "bench" routine - 5 guys shitting beside each other. It was like that every night after supper in police college, some cats would choose to eat early just to avoid waiting for the shitter. Some pretty unique conversations taking place as well, might I add: "You got all those Maxim magazines down there, Dave? I need to rub one out...."

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Sun Jun 18, 2006 11:37 am

Dayammm... last night for supper I enjoyed 3.75 spicy spring rolls (shredded pork, cabbage and carrots) complete with sweet pepper dipping sauce.

This morning I was treated to a 13 inch, water-breaking log of spicyness, the likes of which has never previously left my anus. I'm still tingling.

arnaky · Post by **arnaky** » Mon Jun 19, 2006 6:21 pm

Shit man that is funny, I bet it hurts more than anal sex.

El Chuxter · Post by **El Chuxter** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 1:11 am

I once pooped out a bear sized shit, put ketchup on it and fed it to an otter while Jubilee watched.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:30 am

I have been making mudslides again on the back of the toilet

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Sun Jun 25, 2006 7:11 am

What does "Virginia Mudslide" mean to you?

Discuss...

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Sun Jun 25, 2006 11:13 am

It's a chocolatey frozen alcoholic drink, purchased at a TGIFriday's anywhere in the geographical area ranging from Bristol in the southwest to Mannassas in the northeast.

If Kidhuman goes into a TGIFriday's in his home state (the closest one being, IIRC, in Richmond) and orders a mudslide, it will, by default, be a Virginia Mudslide.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Sun Jun 25, 2006 2:58 pm

They put one in Roanoke in Valley View.

I will post again:

Va Mudslide: After you give your girl a good ass reaming that she needs stitches and it sews up the asshole. So the doctor removes the stitches and gets the old bowel bath.

Antropov · Post by **Antropov** » Mon Jun 26, 2006 3:27 pm

I don't have the pleasure of shitting every day. Instead, I go every third day or so. I don't get the urge more often that. The only problem is that when the urge comes there's no delaying it. Like right now. I will not shit in public places, but here I am at work clenching my butt cheeks together tighter than Dell Rusk holding in a load for later consumption.

I assure I'll blow through at least two back issues of Maxim with this one.

Slimmie · Post by **Slimmie** » Mon Jun 26, 2006 8:01 pm

Another legendary shit today. A shit that will never be repeated. I am the only witness, only because the camera was in my wife's car and she wasn't home. Today I shit out a perfectly formed number 2. Not "number two" as in shit (but it was, weird huh) an actual "2". This was the kind of number you learn to make in drafting class. I still can't believe it. I didn't flush for about an hour in hopes of my wifes return with the camera. I never knew my ass had such good pememnship, although I have not identified exactlly what font it was. Hopefully tomorrow I will shit a 3.

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Mon Jun 26, 2006 10:36 pm

Now I wish my ass was more artistic.

I did a search for Virginia mudslide just for fun and came up with this:

http://www.ackenheilwv.com/highlights.html

Tackett Fork, West Virginia Mudslide Remediation

One of West Virginia?s longest mudslides - over one-half mile in length

Damm, KH, isn't West VA like an hour and a half from your house?

BM