Vynsane.com's Hasbro's Weekly Q&A

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

That's actually going to be our entire 2010 lineup.

Will you just talk about the Millennium Falcon and quit with the teasing so all these people can get rid of their blue balls?

[anarky]

No. We have blue balls from never getting laid, so we like others to have 'em, too!

Now that pics have leaked of the Millennium Falcon, do you expect this to make up for all the other stupid shit you've done?

[Ran]

That was a sparrow. There is nothing to see here, people. Move along.


Some of us would like to poop in a box and mail it to you. Can we get your address?

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Absolutely! Please send it
Hasbro's Poop In a Box Promotion
c/o Charles N. Arky
4321 Flornbi Ave
California Town, CA 90011



You fuckers. You're cancelling Marvel Legends aren't you? I knew it. Go fuck yourselves.

[anarky]

We are cancelling Marvel Legends. What did you think would happen when we started scraping the bottom of the barrel with fucktard characters like Danger and Marvel Girl? You'll never get your fucking Nova, or Meggan, or NFL Superpro, or Winter Soldier, or Darkhawk, or Stryfe, or Cassandra Nova, or Slapstick, or modern Luke Cage, or any of these other characters you probably want more than X-23 and some of the other dumb shit we made instead.

Oh, and we do fuck ourselves. It doesn't hurt our feelings any to tell us to do something we already enjoy daily.

What's the deal with fucking hasbrotoyshop.com? I've been checking there three or four times a day for two fucking weeks. You list all the upcoming GIJoe figures, and all the ones no one can find, but they're "coming soon." And, unlike any other online retailer programmed by even a retarded Ukranian third-grader, you don't allow preorders. Do you like teasing us, or what?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Everyone else in the world can pre-order, but we set it up so that you can't, just to fuck with you. Eat it!!!

So now it's official: both the giant, expensive AT-TE and Falcon are coming out the same day, along with tons of other products. Uh . . . why?

[Seven]

Everyone else in the world can pre-order, but we set it up so that you can't, just to fuck with you. Eat it!!!

So now it's official: both the giant, expensive AT-TE and Falcon are coming out the same day, along with tons of other products. Uh . . . why?

Is that the July date? Hmmmmm, if so, I'll be down at SDCC, hopefully Hasbro will bring these items with them and I can get everything in one swoop! I like to think positive

[Ran]

The AT-TE and Falcon will come out the same day because we're sure everyone is saving their tax refund checks just for us.

I saw some Indiana Jones toys today. You are obviously whoring out Mr. Potato head to any license you can get you hands on. Nice Job. My question is regarding the Galactic Hero-styled figures. 4 of the 6 sets of the wave have Indiana Jones in it. Are you expecting this line to tank quickly so you're shooting your Indy load right off the bat?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

We're expecting it to tank quickly, but not nearly as quickly as the 3 3/4" line. Have you seen the Raiders Indy? Christ on a cracker, he looks like shit, and we've been sculpting Harrison Ford for 30 years!

I got my Hasbro Play Rewards check in the mail the other day and then realized there's nothing I can spend $50 on in one time until about a week after the check expires. What the fuck?

[anarky]

Did you think we were going to actually let you save money on our products? Hell no! That Play Rewards Program is just publicity. It was intended to get you to spend a shitload of money a month ago in exchange for what you thought would be a valuable coupon but is pretty much worthless due to our having a "hard release" date in July for no reason. It worked, didn't it? I'd say the joke's on you. Now start saving for that Falcon.

Over the years, you've given us the chance to vote on new figures, even if it has always seemed rigged. Thus was born the Fan's Choice. However, with the exception of the unfairly-elected Elors Madakk (really, guys, who was clamoring for him, and how did you have a completed prototype the week after voting ended if it wasn't stacked?), who pegwarmed like a motherfucker and can probably still be found in some gas stations, each one has been ridiculously hard to find. With the Legends, every one that wasn't a pegwarmer the first time has been hard to find as well, except for the Pit Droids, which you for some reason released in fucking huge numbers.

What I'm getting at: why do you go through the trouble of letting us vote on stuff we want to own, then make it impossible for us to own them? Did you fail Business 101 at your local community college or something?

[Rollo Tomassi]

Ha! We never took Business 101, so of course we couldn't fail it! Suckers! We make stuff hard to find so then you tell all your internet buddies that it's hard to find and then everybody runs out to Target and Wal-mart to find the hard to find stuff, and we can tell Target and Wal-Mart about all the business were sending into their stores where you might not find the toy you were looking for (we barely make enough of 'em!) but you might buy a garden hose, some tubesocks, and box of CocoaPuffs. Then they order a bunch of our crappy inferior figures for the next fiscal year. It's a win/win situation. Well, except for you losers. But who cares about you?


What was the going rate for your souls when you sold them?

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Souls? We don't know what you're talking about, unless it's the Well of the Souls, in which case we've said a thousand fucking times that playsets don't sell. But be sure to buy our other Indiana Jones playsets, coming soon!

The Indiana Jones line has a pretty sweet deluxe line, while Star Wars only has Comic Packs at this price point. Will you please for the love of fuck bring back the deluxe line for SW?

[Double_G]

Say, now that's an idea! We could start by repacking those "Attack of the Clones" force flipping deluxe figures! We've got warehouses that are still full of them!

Did you guys hire people with Parkinson's disease to paint the Indiana Jones figures? What happened there?

[Antropov]

Yes! We're glad you took notice of our efforts to diversify our company with unique people!

When are you releasing more goddamn "Shadows of the Empire" figures, you bastards?!

[anarky]

Didn't you see that we're making a third Xizor figure later this year? What, are you ignoring the toy sections of other sites or something? We know you'll love Xizor Mark 3.0 even more than that Guri that a few crazy people pretend they want.

I finally saw The Force Unleashed Vader yesterday. Wow. The badness of that figure is staggering. How the hell did you not notice things like his massively disproportionate left foot before that thing went into production, especially considering the delay of more than a year?