the vynsane asylum

When people say "What's the worst that could happen?" and then things inevitably go south, or when people say "I'm NEVER going to do [such and such a thing]" SMASH CUT TO them doing the aforementioned thing they said they'd never do. They're both so fucking tired.

Senor JabbaJohnL wrote:When people say "What's the worst that could happen?" and then things inevitably go south, or when people say "I'm NEVER going to do [such and such a thing]" SMASH CUT TO them doing the aforementioned thing they said they'd never do. They're both so fucking tired.

• Freakazoid: You mean don't say 'Candle Jack'?
• Steff: [screen wipes] Freakazoid, why did you say his name?
• Freakazoid: 'Cause I-I wanted to do one of those funny things like, you remember in F-Troop where Agarn says "There's no way I'm wearin' a dress, absolutely not! No dress!" and Forrest Tucker's like "Yeah your wearin' that dress! Your gonna wear that dress!" and then they wipe
  [makes a scene wiping noise]
• Freakazoid: and Agarn's wearin a dress.
  [shows Agarn wearing the dress]
• Candle Jack: Oh, I love that bit.

Senor JabbaJohnL wrote:When people say "What's the worst that could happen?" and then things inevitably go south, or when people say "I'm NEVER going to do [such and such a thing]" SMASH CUT TO them doing the aforementioned thing they said they'd never do. They're both so fucking tired.

If we're making a movie where we turn things like this on its ear, part of it should be one of those situations where farmers are in the middle of a drought and the hero walks up and say "Oh I can take care of that easy." And the farmer says "How?" and the hero says "Things can't get any worse."
and then you hear a thunderstrike and it starts raining and the hero moves onto the actual movie.

Here are a couple.

"You must have been absent the day they taught (law/medicine) at (Law/Medical) School!"

"The money has been wired to your Swiss and/or Cayman bank account."


I was also going to mention when they say "Money is no object." but I'm writing a screenplay where the bad guys use that in the opening sequence and the hero (an assassin) double crosses them because he remarks "The first thing I learned when some body says 'money is no object' is that they have no intention of paying..." right before he puts a bullet in their head.

Rollo Tomassi wrote:I was also going to mention when they say "Money is no object." but I'm writing a screenplay where the bad guys use that in the opening sequence and the hero (an assassin) double crosses them because he remarks "The first thing I learned when some body says 'money is no object' is that they have no intention of paying..." right before he puts a bullet in their head.

well played...

Whwnever the main character goes into a "biker bar" and has a look of fear, and then they cut to everyone laughing and getting along. We get it, bikers are big cuddly bears. The "mean biker gang" stereotype went out in the 60's.

when someone is tied up or in a vulnerable spot, and a second character holds a rock or knife or something over their head, and we quickly cut to the first character wincing, steeling him/herself to the inevitable impending death and *Whoosh/Clunk/Clink/Whatever* they open their eyes and they're free of the ropes or the first character has done something completely unrelated to killing the second character.

let's have no more of that.

Along similar lines - when the bad guy is about to shoot the good guy and a gun goes off...and (not so surprisingly) the bad guy drops dead because the damsel in distress shot the bad guy in the back.

This is kinda like mabs thread.

Rollo Tomassi wrote:This is kinda like mabs thread.

this IS mabs' thread, you silly bastard.

also...

a guy gets shot and everyone freaks out BECAUSE WE HAVE TO REMOVE THE BULLET RIGHT AWAY OR HE'LL DIE!!!!!

when in actuality, the last time you NEEDED to remove a bullet that wasn't in/affecting any vital organ or major blood vessel was during the civil war when they used lead balls that would cause gangrene. these days if you're nowhere near a hospital, like stranded on a desert island or in the sahara or something, best to just leave it in - digging it out without proper tools/dressing could actually cause you to rupture something even worse and make you bleed out, especially if it's in an extremity like your arm or leg. it's not going to make the pain subside to have it out, either.

hell, teddy roosevelt (if not his re-election campaign) survived an assassination attempt after which the bullet remained in his chest until his dying day, all the while head-butting bison and wrestling humpback whales for the fuck of it.

Speaking of getting shot...I don't like it when people fly backwards after getting hit by a bullet, especially after Mythbusters did it on their show.

Any crotch kick or fart joke in an animated film.

Even worse when it's relatively minor, like Raymond's light (he's the redneck Cajun firefly from The Princess and the Frog) making a fart noise when his light fizzles, and saying "Excuse me," but is played up in the promotional stuff, as if a movie can't be funny without using old fart jokes.

I'm sorry but the fart joke (kind of one) in Finding Nemo is funny. The one where the little squid inks herself. That makes me chuckle.

Slicker wrote:I'm sorry but the fart joke (kind of one) in Finding Nemo is funny. The one where the little squid inks herself. That makes me chuckle.

the exception that proves the rule - only pixar can pull off a fart joke these days. anyone not making pixar quality flicks, no more fart jokes.