The Fate of Batman

[Tom Foolery]

My daughter sent me this. Haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

[Tom Foolery]

In its advertising materials, DC is referring to Hush 2 as ‘H2SH’. What the hey does that even mean? It’s too hard to add a ‘u’ and a space? Are we supposed to call it Htoosh?

Because now I am.

[anarky]

Sounds like someone hocking a loogie.

I therefore assume H2sh is about Tommy Elliot spitting on Gotham sidewalks.

[Tom Foolery]

Marvel and DC are teaming up for the first time since 2003’s JLA/Avengers crossover to bring the us two oneshots(and I’m assuming like 330 variant covers between the two issues) starring Deadpool and Batman.

Part of me is eyerolling at the crass, obvious money grab.
But hopefully it will lead to other Marvel/DC crossovers. I think both publishers, and comic shops, would benefit from that.

And I’m not gonna lie; Wade finding Batman’s breaking point is gonna be epic. I can already see him losing it at DP’s incessant stream of conscious bullshit and just screaming “MY GOD WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!!?”

[anarky]

That was pretty much my thoughts. Uninspired crossover, but they're playing nice again.

[Tom Foolery]

A new Batman #1 came out today. It’s The 4th ongoing Batman series since 1940.

“But, Tom”you say to yourself “the previous Batman ongoing isn’t even finished yet! HToosh still has a few issues to come out. What gives?”

Well, that’s because clowns Jeph Loeb and Jim Lee can’t keep on a schedule even when given like a year of lead time. And DC editorial naively though they could.

The new issue was okay. Matt Fraction is deliberately doing stand alone stories for each issue. But it’s definitely better than the previous two or three runs from Loeb and Zdarsky and whoever followed King’s run. I’ve already forgot.

[Tom Foolery]

Also, when I got home, my issue has these two little blemishes; one was in the yellow background, and the other was on his blue cape. I was like ‘are you fuckin kidding me? I grabbed a defective copy out of the pile of like 30 issues he had?

But I looked at the solicit cover, and they are on there as well. So I wonder why they left them on there.

[Diabolical]

Absolute Batman #1 is going into its 10th printing.
I still have no interest, but holy shit.

[Tom Foolery]

Absolute Batman #1 is going into its 10th printing.
I still have no interest, but holy shit.

At some point, the print runs on those later printings will be so small, they’ll end up becoming more rare and sought after than the earlier printings.

DC has created a monster they weren’t prepared for with this Absolute stuff. How long before the better selling ‘Absolute Universe’ replaces the main continuity’s universe? And then what happens when sales inevitably slump and they’ve created another shithole continuity crisis because of it?

[anarky]

I'm pretty open minded, and I love Batman, but, damn, Absolute looks fucking terrible. I'm not going to listen to the praise from people who think that the current Transformers comic is one of the greatest ever, either, that's for damned sure.

Tangentially related, I started Batman '89: Echoes last night. I only got about 2/3 through it before I started drifting off. It's... weird. At this point, there are four continuations of the Burton movies. John Jackson Miller took pains to make his fit with the comics. The comics, well, I'm not even sure they tried to fit with the movie. You'd never know these were by one of the screenwriters!

The first series wasn't bad. I felt too much took place in Harvey's delusion, but it wasn't bad. Not amazing, but not bad. This one so far, jeez. Right out of the gate, Alicia is appearing on Dr. Q's show. Alicia. Talking about her relationship with the Joker. HOW DOES THE GODDAMNED WRITER OF THE FUCKING MOVIE NOT KNOW SHE'S FUCKING DEAD?!?!? Jesus fucking Christ. She's not a background character that everyone forgets, she's Jerry Fucking Hall and Jack Napier screwing her is a big part of why Boss Grissom fucked him over and turned him into the Joker. Christ, you wrote the fucking movie, dude! Why don't you just say Alexander Knox was a fucking talking squirrel and we never noticed it? (They also make a kind of big deal about her removing her mask to reveal that apparently she got plastic surgery, like the mask was a big deal, but it didn't seem like she made any appearances with it during the timeline of the movie. Again, Mr. Knox, enjoy your acorns.)

I wasn't happy with the obvious Dark Knight ripoff ending of the previous series ("I can't be Batman anymore"). It didn't fit that version of the character, but I could live with it. Here, he goes undercover in Arkham to investigate the death of Hugo Strange. (Spoilers) Strange was the main villain of Batman: Resurrection, revealed as the genius scientist who laid the groundwork for most of what the Joker did. Here, it's like he was fucking God or something. It's weird to insert an existing villain and make him so uber-powerful. And his gang is half fan-service Batman villains, half nobodies as far as I can tell. Riddler is a completely different Riddler from Revolution (that one was interesting). And he's Martin Short. No reason. Martin Short as the Riddler would've been awesome, but it was never even rumored. And having two widely disparate Riddlers fucks with the mind; I was envisioning Norman Pinkus as Martin Short when reading Resurrection because I knew this detail in advance. Then there's an aside with a nobody in Arkham, and I looked him up, and "Wait, what the fuck, two random weirdos who like to do puzzles come up with the name Edward Nigma, and the second has this ridiculous name that actually shortens to E. Nigma"? Speaking of, Arnold Schwarzenegger is Blockbuster. This sort of detail is cool for actors who actually discussed. When every new character (except Harvey, who's still DCAU Harvey) is a random actor, it becomes distracting. (Also Blockbuster was apparently one of Strange's "Monster Men" before the events of Resurrection, and it's always nice to have two guys writing stories when one is clearly a fan taking pains to make everything fit, and the other guy is a screenwriter who doesn't remember his own big movie and doesn't give a shit and only wants a check, so HEEEEEEEEEERE'S ALICIA!!!!)

Harley Quinn is Madonna (okay, that one was discussed), but I can't tell if she's actually a villain or just a selfish twat. She interviews Selina Kyle with her Catwoman costume on. Even though she calls her Selina, so there's no secret ID involved. Also Catwoman is apparently a master cybersecurity specialist with a penchant for anagrams now?

I haven't even gotten into the sheer whatthefuckery of Bruce going undercover as Firefly (who looks like Bane) in Arkham. Not a bad idea for a story in a series that goes on for decades. When it's one of only six big chapters in the big picture, it feels odd. Jeff Goldblum is the Scarecrow, who apparently outsmarted and killed Hugo Strange despite Hugo Strange being more powerful than MCU Thanos. Or something.

I think I have about two issues left. I was really looking forward to this series, but I'm not seeing how it is going to come to a decent conclusion.

The novels are great, though. John Jackson Miller is one of the ultimate masters of franchised genre fiction.

[anarky]

Suck my double post, Grimlock.

Aaaaaaand... that miniseries didn't end. It just fizzled, with some apparent setup for more.

R'as came out of nowhere (I had mild suspicions of the terrorist in Arkham, but that's it). Absolutely fucking terrible continuity error, where he loses his beard for several pages, then it miraculously returns. Harley apparently gets hold of Smylex and kills Scarecrow and Blockbuster. And Hugo, still not the same guy from the Resurrection novel (though supposedly the same, unlike the two Riddlers).

Oy vey. It did get better, but not by much, and it was a hella low bar to start with.

Again, HOW THE FUCK IS ALICIA ALIVE?!?