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[Senor JabbaJohnL]

I had to get up at 7:30 this morning since my asshole was burning . . . I have no idea why I got diarrhea at that hour.

And low-flow toilets make shit smell so, so much worse since it's just sittin' there out of the water.

[Seven]

Well, I am guilty of not reading but only the first post in this section, only because I have to go to class in T-minus 15 minutes, however, it brought to mind a site.

http://www.ratemypoo.com

If this has already been posted, well, too fucking bad!

[kidhuman]

I had to get up at 7:30 this morning since my asshole was burning. I then rolled over and kissed Bizarro the Grin and got him horny for another round

Fixed it for ya.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Thanks, I think.

[Diabolical]

Everything poops.

[anarky]

Note to self: best damned salsa ever is only good for about one week, due to the fresh ingredients and lack of preservatives.

I base this on a simple deduction. Last night was leftover night. Mrs A had leftover Vietnamese-style pork chops. Anarky Jr and I had leftover Mexican. I used the salsa I made about two weeks ago. It was the only thing I ate yesterday that no one else ate. And no one else experienced my adventures last night.

Last night about two, I was awakened by a rumbling in my belly. I had the worst of all shits: the one that makes your stomach hurt so fucking bad you limp into the bathroom, but you have this weird combination of diarrhea and constipation that makes you sit there for literally an hour or two, trying to no avail to get something out, and, when it finally does come out, it's the foulest, most explosive diarrhea imaginable.

And then you shit for like fifteen minutes, and it seems over, and you go back to bed, and wake up fifteen minutes or so later and go back for seconds (though, luckily, usually without the long constipation stage).

And, inevitably, two or three or six sessions in the shitter will clear up the problem, but, given the amount of sleep you've lost, you're guaranteed to wake up grumpy, and you'll probably call in sick just to catch up on the sleep.

[Diabolical]

The day after Cappy and I went to Wings game I had quite the shit. It was one of those rare occasions that the smell was so damn bad I was nearly gagging while pooping.

Everyone can usually tolerate their own "brand" of stink but this was far beyond horrible. I think I flushed three times during and used half a can of air freshener.

Thinking back on why it smelled so bad I realized the only thing I had out of the ordinary to eat/drink was a soft pretzel and a beer at the game. I had a pretzel not too long ago without a similar result, so I came to the conclusion that it had to have been that single beer. One damn beer nearly gave me poop smell-induced brain damage.

[Seven]

I remember driving to Hollywood one night with my then girlfriend and two other friends and that fucking diarrhea pain came. I was the one driving and I swear I thought I was going to die. I started getting hot flashes and sweating bullets, it hurt SO bad. The first bathroom I came to was at a Jack in the Box. It was the grossest bathroom but I didn't care, I had to get the shit OUT. Everyone was so awesome that night, followed me around and waited while I hit 3 other bathrooms after that!

From that moment on Immodium and Zantac travel with me wherever I go!

I also, every once in a while, get what I call the Butt Pain. It's this weird form of gas that just sits there right by my butthole but won't come out! The pain is so bad, it literally brings me to my knees and I get down on the ground with my head laying on the floor and my ass in the air, just so the gas will travel faster to the exit, but sometimes it takes FOREVER. It feels like someone is stabbing my ass with a machete!

I just had a 3 wiper this morning, period poop stage is here

[jjreason]

I hate that pain in the anus. I get that from time to time in the middle of the night and have to wake up & try to poo. When that happens to me it usually takes about 20 min on the potty, and it's usually a small, hard little poo about the size of a ping pong ball and nothing else. Weird.

[anarky]

Baby shits are freakish.

I started to give Anarky Jr a bath earlier. I took off her diaper and saw some hashmarks. Normally, this means she's been trying to shit, with no success. So, before putting her in the tub, I was going to wipe off her butt.

She was in the middle of the process. Prairie-dogging, as they say. So I put her on the toilet. She wasn't quite sure what to do, but figured it out quickly. She dropped two fucking turds that would've done the goddamned Juggernaut proud. These things would've hurt my ass. And she's like 1/7th my size.

Dayum.

[Antropov]

Baby shits are freakish.

I started to give Anarky Jr a bath earlier. I took off her diaper and saw some hashmarks. Normally, this means she's been trying to shit, with no success. So, before putting her in the tub, I was going to wipe off her butt.

She was in the middle of the process. Prairie-dogging, as they say. So I put her on the toilet. She wasn't quite sure what to do, but figured it out quickly. She dropped two fucking turds that would've done the goddamned Juggernaut proud. These things would've hurt my ass. And she's like 1/7th my size.

Dayum.

Please please please tell me you're not making a concentrated potty training effort. I feel like we should be (they just turned two) but Hannah is the only one who seems to evben remotely get it and she just thinks its cool to sit on the thing dad just pissed in to. I think she knows pee goes there, just not hers.

[anarky]

No, but I was in the bathroom, with a turd hanging out of her butt, a bathtub full of clean water, and no diapers. Short of having her shit on the floor (or run to get a diaper and risk her doing that on her own in the seconds I'd be gone), that was all I could come up with.

[vynsane]

we got julia a potty seat. figured it's not necessarily ever too early, and she might as well get used to it. sometimes she pees when the bath is running, so i figured best to sit her on something that can catch it. if she goes by mistake, well, then we make a big deal out of it so she knows it's good. hopefully we don't have to make a big negative deal about it the next time she's running around naked, takes a squat in the cat's dish and expects applause again...

[Seven]

Thank goodness for you mens with babies, I can live vicariously through you on the ins and outs of potty training, just in case I decide to have one in the future

You guys crack me up, it's quite awesome to get a glimpse into the lives of men. If only women would take a moment to even try, I think they'd be pleasantly surprised

You guys are great!

[jjreason]

That's warm, Dex, thanks! I wish I had some potty training stories to share, but it's been years....

Miranda used to get little rewards for going on the pottie, Smarties to be exact - but she pronounced it "Farties". The babysitter called us on the cell phone one time asking us where to get the Farties for her as she'd gone poo and was demanding her treat!!!