the vynsane asylum

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:30 am

I woke up yesterday morning and found the paper from a yellow crayon on the living room floor. The kids must have left it on the floor, and one of the dogs ate it.

So yesterday afternoon rolls around. The kids are playing outside, and the little one comes towards the door saying "poo poo!" I notice she is wearing her big sister's shoes. Upon closer inspection, there is poop with yellow crayon in it on the bottom on one of the shoes. Then I noticed there is poop/yellow crayon tracks all the way across the back patio. I managed to get the shoes off . Luckily, one-year-olds don't fit very well into 5-year olds' shoes. I handed her off to the wife and hosed off the patio.

The moral of the story is that if a dog poops a crayon, that crayon still can write.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 2:05 pm

This smacks of Amazing Pig Terd Journeys of yesteryear...but i think we have since discovered that SW figures can survive such a trip because they were shit going in. Fuck you Hasbro.

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:20 pm

Man, I'm just wiping my brow after a second stellar poop in 3 days. This one actually had elements of my last 2 suppers (before tonight's) in it - it started out soft and orangey (Indian Butter Chicken) but then ended firm and dark brown (roast beef from last night).

I was worried initially because it seemed like I was wasting a lot of effort blowing gas out from around the log, but it must have thickened up by the halfway point because my leverage was a lot better toward the end.

The best part was this: it felt like it was going to be one of those ones that breaks off with about an inch left to go, leaving me with about 4 ounces of shit to wipe - but instead it somehow managed to turn the corner and come out clean.

I give this BM a solid 4.5 Mr. Hinky's out of 5.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:12 pm

I made twosies the other day and the log was bobbing up and down like a buoy. On the top were the beacon light should be was a lone kernel of corn. It was awesome.

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:09 pm

JJ, that sounds like one of those shits that requires you to hi-5 someone after you open the bathroom door. Take a victory lap around the living room.

kidhuman wrote:I made twosies the other day and the log was bobbing up and down like a buoy. On the top were the beacon light should be was a lone kernel of corn. It was awesome.

Now this sounds less like a terd and more like a work of art. Very smelly art.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:36 pm

Since I started walking regularly, doing an assload of crunches in the evening and in the morning, and generally eating less/healthier, I have been having a regular morning BM that comes out with a very creamy consistency. And it's generally easier to wipe, also. Maybe 3-5 sheets and I'm clean.

Rob Liefeld · Post by **Rob Liefeld** » Mon Apr 30, 2007 12:38 am

I had a good one this morning. Even after five minutes, the water hadn't rushed it all down the drain. My wife got in the shower after I was done and stepped in it. That was pretty fucking funny.

Double_G · Post by **Double_G** » Wed Jun 06, 2007 12:39 am

I took a shit last night that had little bits of popcorn kernels in it. I ate popcorn two days before. Also, sometimes I see sesame seeds in my shit.

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:09 pm

Right now I have to shit - pretty bad in fact - but it's not to the point where I can go and get it done.

I first felt this shit coming on at around 1pm.... but I wasn't close to a toilet. It went back. I complained to my coworker about this fact, and that it wouldn't be ready to come out again for another 3 or 4 hours. He said I was fucked up, and that as soon as I got back to the office I'd be good to go....

Well, I know my colon. It's now 8:08pm, and I'm still waiting for the mood to strike, so to speak.

Come on, bum, I'm sick of waiting.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:52 pm

I think JJ exploded

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:26 am

Too bad no one called the bomb squad to diffuse that thing before it was too late.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:52 am

Rogue II wrote:Too bad no one called the bomb squad to diffuse that thing before it was too late.

Is JJ the Riggs or Murtaugh character?

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:09 pm

JJ had one shit, and is currently holding another one in just so I can type some wise-ass remark to you fags. I hope you're fucking happy with yourselves.

kidhuman · Post by **kidhuman** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:34 pm

Go rub a cheese grater on your asshole when you shit, its fun.

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:44 pm

Snigtad?