Schwarzenegger to play himself in Stallone film

[Newsbot]

SACRAMENTO, Calif. – Art will imitate life when Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger spends a few hours playing himself later this year in a movie by Sylvester Stallone.

Stallone's publicist, Sheryl Main, revealed more details Tuesday of Schwarzenegger's rare big-screen appearance. The governor said he has done just three cameos for friends since becoming governor in 2003.

Shooting on the film, "The Expendables," will begin March 28 in Brazil and move to New Orleans for two months. Main says the governor will shoot his scene in Los Angeles.

His role will be a familiar one: California governor.

Stallone writes, directs and stars in the movie, a film about a group of mercenaries trying to overthrow a South American dictator. It also stars Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke and Forest Whitaker.

Jet Li is the only one on that list that can pull off being an action hero. Hey Rambo, you forgot to invite Steven Segal and Jean Claude Van Dam.

[Diabolical]

Do some fact checking Newstwat, Van Damme was offered a role, but turned it down.

[anarky]

Newsbot has three articles about The Expendables, and I figure this is the best one to turn into an all-purpose Expendables thread.

I watched this on Thursday. I was surprised.

After merely thirty seconds, I noticed an itch on my chest. I looked in my shirt, thinking a spider was crawling on me, and noticed I'd grown substantially more hair than when the movie began. I thought this was odd, but chalked it up to too much chocolate pie.

It didn't take more than ten minutes for the massive swelling of my balls to become apparent, not just to me, but to everyone else in the room. I tried to hide under a blanket to conceal their ever-increasing size, and to unzip my pants to allow them more breathing room. But my balls just kept getting bigger and bigger. By the time Stallone turned the plane around to shoot down the thugs on the pier, I noticed that my penis was also growing exponentially. Luckily, I found that my arms had become massively ripped, allowing me the strength I needed to shift it slightly so that the cat wouldn't climb on it.

But my muscles, hair, and gonads kept expanding. When the final showdown rolled around, my 48-inch flaccid penis was becoming something of a hindrance. It was when I commented on this that I became aware that the room was far more full than it had been, filled with every woman in a 37-mile radius. Most of them had already removed their clothing, and a few were staring at me and licking their lips (and not just the ones on their faces). I didn't know about the pheremones I was putting out until that point.

The movie ended, and, as the end credits rolled, I asked the ugly and old women to leave, and fully removed my pants (which took some seven minutes). The women in the room decided to take turns sucking my dick, and I suggested those not taking their turn tape themselves orally satisfy one another and e-mailing me the files, to occupy them until they got their chance.

Luckily, the nine straight hours of blowjobs was enough to drain the excess testosterone from my body. I tried to thank the ladies, but they insisted that it was they who owed me thanks. And so, with my penis back at its usual 16-inch size, I grabbed myself a beer and decided the movie was pretty damn good.

[Rollo Tomassi]

I haven't watched it yet, but have resigned myself to the fact that the movie is exactly what it is. It is neither good nor bad, it simply IS. There's no way as the credits roll at the end, I can say to myself, 'Wow. I wasn't expecting THAT!"

Unless of course, the movie is a cleverly disguised Merchant Ivory flick. That I won't be expecting.

[The Grin]

That settles it. I won't watch this movie. My junk is already big enough. In fact, after I make sweet love to a woman, it changes the way she smiles.

[Sleazer]

I'm glad Forest Whitaker wasn't in this...although he was in Bloodsport, so he does have some pedigree.

[Diabolical]

I was at FYE* the other day killing time and I noticed a BluRay/DVD combo pack of The Expendables with a $14.99 price tag. Figuring someone fucked up, I grabbed it and I looked at 3 other copies. Their tags said $29.99, so I knew someone fucked up. I got in line, the kid behind the register scanned it and said it was $31 and change. I told him the tag said $14.99 and the kid had this look of confusion and terror because he had no idea what to do. A manager overheard the conversation, looked at the box, sighed and told the kid to change it.







*Which must stand for: "Fuck You Everybody" since their prices are so fucking high. Who shops there on a regular basis?

[anarky]

Those places only stay in business thanks to people like my parents. I'd ask for music and movies, and specifically tell them not to go to a mall store. And they would. Every time. And comment about how helpful the person in the store was in helping them find things that are in alphabetical order. I stopped asking for anything when I realized their tendency to go to a far more expensive store just because it specializes in something meant I was getting far less bang for their gift-giving buck.

[The Grin]

Your parents shop at FYE? Suddenly I feel betrayed knowing that The Grip, Bizzaros and I aren't the only ones fucking your parents.

[Sleazer]

I get that way with my mom, if she pushes me for Christmas/Birthday gift ideas, I'll tell her something I want but I also tell her where to buy it and at what price.
I can't in good conscience allow her to go to the wrong place and pay 20% more than she needs to.
I love my mom.

[vynsane]

I love my mom.

DUDE, The Grin JUST posted DIRECTLY above you, why did you have to make it so EASY for him?

[The Grin]

I love my mom.

I love Sleazer's mom, too. And Vynsane's. And anarky's. And Diabolical's. And Rollo's. And Ran's. And SeniorJabbaJohn's. Yes, it is true. I love all your mothers.


























Especially when they are riding my cock.

DUDE, The Grin JUST posted DIRECTLY above you, why did you have to make it so EASY for him?

Pssh. All of your mothers are easy.

[Sleazer]

I love my mom.

DUDE, The Grin JUST posted DIRECTLY above you, why did you have to make it so EASY for him?

I considered that...and frankly I'm impressed that he went high-brow with his response.

[The Grin]

I love my mom.

DUDE, The Grin JUST posted DIRECTLY above you, why did you have to make it so EASY for him?

I considered that...and frankly I'm impressed that he went high-brow with his response.

Last time your mom blew me, I jizzed high on her brow.

[Bizarro The Grin]

tHAT'S FUNNY, tHE gRIN. sLEAZER'S FATHER DID THE SAME TO ME LAST TIME I RAMMED MY COCK SO FAR UP HIS ASS THAT IT ALSO COUNTED AS A BLOWJOB.