Clive Owen

[BumCake]

Clive Owen is a Dreamboat.

No fucking shit Clive Owen is a dreamboat. My God. If that man were to show up at my doorstep and ask for anal sex, I would do it. I am not lying.
If Clive Owen showed up at my door and didn't even say anything, I would still offer anal sex to him. Hell, I would even give him the priviledge of giving me the enema before he destroys my anus with his pink torpedo. He'll fit me like a flesh tuxedo.

[The Grin]

Well, I know what I'm going to be for Halloween this year.

[Slicker]

Clive Owen is a Dreamboat.

No fucking shit Clive Owen is a dreamboat. My God. If that man were to show up at my doorstep and ask for anal sex, I would do it. I am not lying.
If Clive Owen showed up at my door and didn't even say anything, I would still offer anal sex to him. Hell, I would even give him the priviledge of giving me the enema before he destroys my anus with his pink torpedo. He'll fit me like a flesh tuxedo.

I love you.

[Sleazer]

Clive Owen is a Dreamboat.

No fucking shit Clive Owen is a dreamboat. My God. If that man were to show up at my doorstep and ask for anal sex, I would do it. I am not lying.
If Clive Owen showed up at my door and didn't even say anything, I would still offer anal sex to him. Hell, I would even give him the priviledge of giving me the enema before he destroys my anus with his pink torpedo. He'll fit me like a flesh tuxedo.

So many ways to respond to this....

I could go the Spinal Tap route and finish the lyrics, "Big Bottom, Big Bottom, talk about Bumcakes, my girl's got 'em!"

Or I could take your anal sex reference and inquire if THAT'S what he meant in Sin City when he said he would need "a big trunk" ?

But instead I think I'll just ask, what if he showed us asking for the vaj ? Is that in play here, too ?

[jjreason]

Like P in the Va-G?

[Sleazer]

P, fist, what have you...

[Rick McCallum]

Clive Owen is an amazing actor, I thought he would have made a great Young Uncle Owen but the role went to Joel Edgerton instead. Joel's brother Nash worked on the Prequel Trilogy as Ewan's stunt double so Joel had the inside track on the casting process.

Clive definitely would have made a great alternate, though. I do know Natalie enjoyed working with him on the film Closer.

[anarky]

He's an asshole.

Last year, I was at home doing laundry and the doorbell rings. And who is it, but Clive Owen! He asks if he can give me anal. I start to slam the door in his face, then I realize I really am craving a Big Mac, but I ain't got any money. I tell him he can, if he gives me ten dollars. (I'll use the extra to put gas in the car.)

So he sticks his chubby in my backdoor and I'm really not used to that shit and it kinda hurts, like you're shitting out this big hard turd, but I keep thinking about those two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. And the loss of my anal virtue is going to be totally worth it.

Then the guy blows his load, and he says he only has a buck and five cents. Fuck! That's not even enough for a goddamned Big Mac! He says he'll have to mail me a check for the difference. I ended up getting a double cheeseburger from the value menu, and I was still three cents short after tax, but the cashier let me have it after I explained all I'd gone through.

The bastard never did mail me a check.

[UKWildcat]

Wow, what the fuck did I miss?!?!? This thread took one hell of a detour...

[BumCake]

He's an asshole.

Last year, I was at home doing laundry and the doorbell rings. And who is it, but Clive Owen! He asks if he can give me anal. I start to slam the door in his face, then I realize I really am craving a Big Mac, but I ain't got any money. I tell him he can, if he gives me ten dollars. (I'll use the extra to put gas in the car.)

So he sticks his chubby in my backdoor and I'm really not used to that shit and it kinda hurts, like you're shitting out this big hard turd, but I keep thinking about those two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. And the loss of my anal virtue is going to be totally worth it.

Then the guy blows his load, and he says he only has a buck and five cents. Fuck! That's not even enough for a goddamned Big Mac! He says he'll have to mail me a check for the difference. I ended up getting a double cheeseburger from the value menu, and I was still three cents short after tax, but the cashier let me have it after I explained all I'd gone through.

The bastard never did mail me a check.

He's an asshole.

Last year, I was at home doing laundry and the doorbell rings. And who is it, but Clive Owen! He asks if he can give me anal. I start to slam the door in his face, then I realize I really am craving a Big Mac, but I ain't got any money. I tell him he can, if he gives me ten dollars. (I'll use the extra to put gas in the car.)

So he sticks his chubby in my backdoor and I'm really not used to that shit and it kinda hurts, like you're shitting out this big hard turd, but I keep thinking about those two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. And the loss of my anal virtue is going to be totally worth it.

Then the guy blows his load, and he says he only has a buck and five cents. Fuck! That's not even enough for a goddamned Big Mac! He says he'll have to mail me a check for the difference. I ended up getting a double cheeseburger from the value menu, and I was still three cents short after tax, but the cashier let me have it after I explained all I'd gone through.

The bastard never did mail me a check.

AHAAHAAA!!!

Clive's not an asshole; I'm the asshole. And speaking of assholes, mine is burning like a motherfucker at the moment.

Cause I had a similar expirience to yours, Anarky.

I was in my garage hanging out by the water heater giving myself an enema and wearing boob tassels and a hula skirt, when I saw a man trying to climb through the doggy door.
He coudln't quite get his broad, shapely, divine shoulders through through the canine rectangle portal and he was struggling to climb through.
I immediately recognized the man as being Clive Owen.
Clive looked up at me and smiled, and then he looked down at my asshole which had a shiny blue bulbed syringe sticking out of it.
His smile slowly turned into a frown.
He said to me, "BumCake, what the fuck are you doing? You know I like to be the one to give you enemas; it's a fucking priviledge. Why must you deliberately disobey me and give yourself the enema when you know how much I enjoy giving them to you?"
I slowly removed the blue turkey baster that was dangling from my anus which I stole from the dykes who live up the street from me 3 days ago, and I said to Clive, "Shut the fuck up you whore. You whore slut bitch with the slut wife. You're just mad that I'm wearing your hula skirt, you fog breather."
This enraged Clive.
He violently forced his way through the doggy door and fell to the floor.
I was immediately turned on.
Clive stumbled over to me and then proceeded to choke me with a single piece of dental floss he had found in his butt crack, most likely from the night before when he and I were playing dentist and he flossed my clit hole with his penis.
But just then, with the dental floss still around my neck, Clive threw me on top of my dryer machine.
I thought to myself how funny it is that I should be sitting on top of a dryer when nothing within the dryer's range is actually dry.
Appreciating the irony, Clive said, "BumCake, your misdeed will not go unpunished."
Well, on further thought, I guess Clive really didn't appreciate the irony of his moist ladyfriend sitting on the dryer.
But Clive then said, "I am going to have vaginal sex with you, BumCake."
I shrieked in terror and said, "Clive, NO!!! Not the vagina!!! ANYTHING but the vagina!!!!"
So Clive sprayed naughty boom-boom liquid inside my superior reproductive parts and then I sat on his face.
Yadda, yadda, yadda, I stole the diamond from the queen and saved the kingdom from despair so I had to take the time machine into the future to 2008 where I'm sitting on Clive's face.
Wait, did I just yadda yadda over a crucial part of the story? Eh, nevermind.
So I go through the time machine to the future where Clive has just finished devouring the tender fleshes of my rump, when I look down and say to him, "Y'know Clive, for a Brit, your teeth aren't so bad."
Then the timer of the washing machine goes off and then Anarky comes out of nowhere and walks over to the washing machine to get the thongs that were so horrifically stained from eating so many Big Macs all the fucking time.

Wait a minute, Clive is an asshole.

That fine-assed two-timing sonofabitch.

[Ran]

He's an asshole.

Last year, I was at home doing laundry and the doorbell rings. And who is it, but Clive Owen! He asks if he can give me anal. I start to slam the door in his face, then I realize I really am craving a Big Mac, but I ain't got any money. I tell him he can, if he gives me ten dollars. (I'll use the extra to put gas in the car.)

So he sticks his chubby in my backdoor and I'm really not used to that shit and it kinda hurts, like you're shitting out this big hard turd, but I keep thinking about those two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun. And the loss of my anal virtue is going to be totally worth it.

Then the guy blows his load, and he says he only has a buck and five cents. Fuck! That's not even enough for a goddamned Big Mac! He says he'll have to mail me a check for the difference. I ended up getting a double cheeseburger from the value menu, and I was still three cents short after tax, but the cashier let me have it after I explained all I'd gone through.

The bastard never did mail me a check.

Are you sure that wasn't Bizarro The Grin wearing a Clive Owen mask?

[Sleazer]

It's about time I hear about Clive Owen takin' it to some pussy...I was starting to get concerned.