How I realized I was over Star Wars completely

[Tom Foolery]

Regrading is when you initially see the movie and thinking "Holy shit! That was awesome!!!" And giving it an A++

Then after the euphoria wears off and you go home and think about the plot holes and little kids saying "Yippee!" way too much, you regrade it to a C-

[vynsane]

i'm telling you, the original cast are all gonna die in ep7.

Code: Select all

INT. Millennium Falcon

LUKE, HAN, LEIA, CHEWBACCA, R2-D2, C-3P0 are in the cockpit of the MILLENNIUM FALCON, attempting to evade a TIE FIGHTER that is giving chase. All look haggard, tired, constipated.

LUKE
Didn't we defeat these guys already? Have we really been fighting the EMPIRE for 35 years?

HAN
What did you say? Speak up, I can't hear you!

EXT. Millennium Falcon

TIE FIGHTER shoots one laser bolt that barely grazes the outer hull

LUKE
I'm getting too old for this shit.

HAN
I'm getting too old for this shit.

LEIA
I'm getting too old for this shit.

CHEWBACCA
Raarghrowrag rah rah (I'm getting too old for this shit.)

R2-D2
Bleep boop (I'm getting too old for this shit.)

C-3P0
I declare, I am getting absolutely too old for this excrement

Millennium Falcon (in dialect that C-3P0 barely understands)
I'm getting too old for this shit. EXPLODES

[jjreason]

You guys are making me think it's going to be even worse than I'm already sure it's going to be. ><

[anarky]

Sorry, Tom. I only posted that in the hopes that it's so batshit crazy that it can't be true. I have zero expectations, not negative expectations.

[anarky]

I didn't see there was another page of replies. If I knew for sure that your script was accurate, Vyn, I'd be first in line to see that shit in 3D. Just to hear C-3PO euphemize the phrase "I'm getting too old for this shit."

[Ran]

I fully intend on seeking out spoilers and reviews (especially from you guys) before I see the new movie. If they are good, I'll see it in the theater. If not, I'll wait until it is shown on TV. Yes, I have the patience to wait that long.

[jjreason]

I didn't see there was another page of replies. If I knew for sure that your script was accurate, Vyn, I'd be first in line to see that shit in 3D. Just to hear C-3PO euphemize the phrase "I'm getting too old for this shit."

That line could totally play - you'd just have him say "I fear I'm getting too old this" after R2 runs off yet again, and have it quick cut away or have him interrupted by geriatric Han a la Echo Base. He'd never say the s word but it would make for some mildly entertaining shenanigans.

[Diabolical]

Fuck you cynical fucks. I'm looking forward to it.

[anarky]

The only thing that could make me honestly look forward to it is the last-minute announcements of Kelly MacDonald as Mara Jade and Benedict Cumberbatch as Mitth'raw'nuruodo.

[Diabolical]

Including Mara Jade would kill my interest.

[Jargo]

I'm as excited for the new star wars movies as I am about seeing another Kris Jenner blah blah blah story in the gossip columns.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

I have literally zero hopes for E7 or anything beyond. I won't deny that there's a bit of resentment over canning the EU. Which would be fine, if everyone busted their asses to try to top stuff like Shadows of the Empire, the Rogue Squadron series (both books and comics), the Thrawn Trilogy, and the Hand of Thrawn Duology. (Hell, by scuttling the New Jedi Order, they removed the Yuuzhan Vong from the equation, making Palpatine's EU motives for making the push for power nonexistent.) But from what I've seen so far, it just looks, well, okay. Star Wars cannot be "okay." Attack of the Clones was "okay." If the new stuff doesn't exceed the old, what was the point?

Yes, there were mountains of EU shit. But for every Waru, there's a Mara Jade.

I think it's still too early to decide how Disney has been handling the franchise. Of course, I'm more positive about most of it than you fucks, but still...

Del Rey, as always, is pretty hit or miss. It's still the same people in charge that have been in place since the NJO days, for good or bad. Everything that's come out so far had been planned before the EU canning (John Jackson Miller had already finished writing A New Dawn when he found out about it), so I don't think we can point to the three current books and fairly compare them against 38 years of EU content. When Chuck Wendig's Aftermath comes out in September, that will probably be more of a true taste of new directions for the books and franchise as a whole.

Marvel has four books out right now. One's alright, one's good, and two (Darth Vader and Kanan: The Last Padawan) are pretty fucking great so far.

Rebels is pretty much the same team from TCW (minus George, plus Simon Kinberg) and with a much smaller budget. I enjoyed the first season and I really don't think it's going to just be a vehicle for wrapping up TCW storylines—that was partly why they waited an entire season to even hint at TCW characters returning. Its primary goal is still following the Ghost crew and showing the formation of the Rebel alliance.

There also seems to be a lot of indication that Return of the Jedi wasn't a happy ending. Yeah, the EU had the war going on still, but the gang didn't split up and Luke go evil. Seems like they're trying too hard for a postmodern deconstruction, making everything grimdark. Except the Stormtroopers, who look like stuffed animal manga versions of Stormtroopers. And Abrams has never left an impression on me, good or bad. (Should've let Whedon do it.)

I pretty much checked out of reading TFA spoilers when that one came out (since if true, it's a doozy), but I did read some follow-ups that indicate that this probably isn't the actual storyline. Only time will tell. But I certainly don't think SW is in danger of becoming the next Dark Knight trilogy.

Celebration's in two weeks, practically in my backyard. I don't have any interest in going. It's over $100 per person, for what? I don't think it's a stretch to assume it's going to be almost entirely E7. Maybe a little bit of Rebels, which I'm not nearly as interested in as I was before Fulcrum's identity was revealed, making the show essentially just the next seasons of Clone Wars under a new name. We know Hasbro ain't got shit, and if they surprise us, it's going to be all E7 and Rebels, and all this 5-POA bullshit they're killing collecting with.

(Don't get me wrong--I am absolutely going to take advantage of my Disneyland passes and hang out with folks there who are still into SW and have high hopes for the new stuff, including one ratfucker from here. I just can't go to a local Star Wars con without my kids, and cannot justify over $200 (kids' passes are slightly cheaper) when I know there's nothing new of real interest to me.)

Hey! I'm that ratfucker! Minnie better watch her skirt.

The schedule is online and there's only one TFA-related panel the entire time, and it's the first thing on the first day.

One-day adult tickets are $60, or $75 for Saturday. Kid tickets are $35 every day. Four-day passes are $140 for adults and $60 for kids.

[Ran]

Fuck you cynical fucks. I'm looking forward to it.

In our defense, the topic title is "How I realized I was over Star Wars completely".

[Diabolical]

Fuck you cynical fucks. I'm looking forward to it.

In our defense, the topic title is "How I realized I was over Star Wars completely".

This isn't the first topic that had a title that evolved into the de facto _________ topic.

[Ran]

True, but some of us just completely lack the ability to enjoy new Star Wars material. Not sure why. The last time I watched ANH, I began to wonder if prequel haters would have liked it as much if it came out until 1999 instead of 1977. Here is some hokie shit in there, but we kind of accept it because it has been around for most of our lives.