Road rage

[anarky]

Posting this because, all things considered, it wound up being pretty fucking funny.

This morning, I dropped off my wife at work and was driving home. I had to stop by the grocery store, and figured I'd look in Wal-Mart for toys. Near the exit I have to get off, another freeway merges to the right, so I had to get over to the right to exit at the shopping center. This pickup comes up from the other road, zooms up (despite my turn signal), and is doing that assy thing where he keeps speeding up or slowing down so the car next to him (me) can't get over. So, finally, I'm thinking, "Fuck it," and zoom up to get in front of him. It's not at all anything close to "cutting him off." I get off the exit, and so does this douche.

I turn on the street to WM, and the truck turns right after me. I figure he's probably going to WM, but, since I've encountered some really fucked-up morons in pickups out in the boondocks before, I go to another store, turn in, drive up like I'm looking at the hours, and come out. So does he, so it's obvious he's a nut. Best thing to do with a nut who wants to follow you? Get back on the interstate going the opposite way, since they normally won't carry their little stunt that far. Next exit is about two miles up, and I figure it's worth it because the dumb shit probably wants to key my car or something.

Here's where it gets weird: the guy gets on the interstate. I'm not going to lie and try to sound macho, I'm thinking the guy is severely fucked in the head or something. So I decide the best thing is to go to the police station. I situate myself so that I pass a semi right before the exit. This loon cuts across traffic, cutting off two or three other cars, to get on the exit.

So I drive back through town, and am about a block away from the police station, in a left turn lane, where the ass gets out of his truck and walks up to me. I make sure he doesn't have a crowbar and get a good look, because I want a good description if the dumbfuck does something to my car. I swear to God, he looked like Roger fucking Ebert dressed in George Lucas's clothes. The first thing to come to mind is that, even if I'm a pretty small guy, I can easily take this guy in a fair fight... trouble is, I can't see his left hand at all, and, if the guy is nuts enough to follow someone for about six miles out of their way and get out to make threats in downtown during rush hour, he's nuts enough that no way is it going to be a fair fight.

So he walks up and taps--not pounds, which I found odd--on the window. I don't even look in his direction, because, as I said before, he clearly has some very serious issues. "If you cut me off again I'm gonna cut your head off and shit in it!" (Half of me wants to laugh at him, and the other half is reminding me I still can't see this moron's hand and that people dumb enough to shout shit like that in a crowd are probably dumb enough to try to do something with some dangerous object concealed in the other hand.) Then he starts shouting, getting louder: "You hear me? YOU HEAR ME?" So, as much as I don't want to engage this guy, it's clear that he's not going to be satisfied until I acknowledge his existence. The first thing to come to mind is, "Y'know, I wrote down your tag number a few miles ago, and I just taped you threatening me, so why don't you come with me to the police station, which is where I was headed, and we can discuss this with them?" But I try something a little less obnoxious first, holding that for round two, if it is necessary. I just glance at him, very calmly say, "Sure, got it," and turn back around.

And then it gets extra weird. He nods his head and calmly says, like he's a grandfather who just scolded a kid for playing with matches, "Okay then." And turns around, at which point I can see both hands are empty and there's no gun shoved in his pants. When the light turns, I keep driving toward the police station and pull in the lot. The guy drives around for a second, like he's trying to find the freeway. So this guy, who doesn't look like he's in shape to tear anyone's head off (though he could probably shit a few tons in it if he did), follows a strange car for a few miles, gets out in a crowded intersection almost next to a police station, and loudly makes threats without any sort of weapon? Oh, and, given where he was on the interstate, he was apparently coming from the last town and going to the next, meaning he took a detour about halfway into his 45-mile trip to teach some dadblamed whippersnapper a lesson when he was the one driving like an asshole and he didn't even get cut off!

Reminds me of this lady when I was growing up, who was sort of well-known for driving badly, and, if anyone flipped her off or yelled at her, she'd follow them to their destination and say, "You shouldn't do that, because I could've had a gun." Until one day someone just looked at her and said, "Doesn't matter, because I do have a gun. Want to see it?" She was never known to do that again.

[kidhuman]

Seriously, followed you around for miles, after you went into a store and he could have said something there?

[anarky]

I didn't want to go to Wal-Mart, since something about the way he was signaling a split-second after me seemed odd, especially after he was intentionally being a dickhole on the freeway. I pulled into the Kohl's parking lot but didn't actually get out.

The more I think about it, given that he could've walked up to me at about six previous stoplights/signs, the way he politely tapped on the glass despite screaming like an idiot, and the way he waited for a crowded intersection, I think he was actually scared shitless himself but wanted to wave his dick around, so to speak. I think me reacting calmly (he didn't have to know I was silently praying, "Oh, God, don't let this lunatic have a gun") threw him totally off. He either wanted me to act scared or argue back.

[kidhuman]

You did the right thing. He could have had a weapon somewhere on him. Or just been totally bat shit insane and flipped out, he could have had retard strength also.

[Diabolical]

You should have called 911 on your cell phone as he was following you.

[anarky]

That was my first instinct. However, when it came clear the guy wasn't just trying to be a douche and was batshit insane (when he got on the freeway going the opposite direction he'd been going), I figured I could get to the police station sooner than I'd get a response. (Our 911 sucks here. I've used it. They're slow. Most of the cops also make clear that they don't like handling cases.) I decided, probably wrongly in retrospect, that I had a better shot at actually passing a cop and flagging him down than trying to get one on the phone.

[Sleazer]

Wow, just wow !

Part of me was hoping the story would end with you running this guy's head over but as I think about your "Sure, got it." statement, holy crap is that hilarious...what an EXCELLENT way to basically say "Fuck You" to that piece of shit, I'm sure he had multiple scenarios imagined in his head of what he would do based on numerous possible responses from you...but I'm sure that was NOT one of them.

On a serious note though, I'm glad it didn't escalate worse for you...glad you dealt with it rationally.

[Slicker]

I was laying in bed the other night and I thought of this thread and how this guy truly was mental. He chased you for some time then got out of his vehicle completely unarmed. Who's to say that YOU didn't have some sort of weapon such as a gun. I'm not one to know laws but if this guy comes up to your window at an intersection after following you for some time then couldn't that count as self-defense if you had had a gun and shot him thinking your life was in danger?

[Auxiliary]

Out for blood are we? Being scared and firing off a cannon isn't really defense sounds like quick yet poor decision if anything. Sure they could have had a weapon but you never know. Be like a cop, pulling somebody over who is yelling out their window to the cop calling them names as they approach the car. Would you rather them shoot the suspect before they got to the window just because they are a loon with out knowing if they had a weapon?

He's scenario is different then the one I listed, but in both cases we are dealing with an "unknown" factor of if the other person is armed and ready to fire which to me isn't enough to justify shoot first just in case.