happy new year!

[Zaphod]

hey, everyone, i know i've not been around much lately, but i just wanted to wish all of you the best in 2009.

And now that a new year is upon us, I can let you guys in on a little secret. I'm not Zaphod.

Well, I am Zaphod. I was just sorta dishonest about how I found this place. I was indeed looking for information on faked photos of Chinese antelopes. Thing is, I knew to look for those photos, because only one news reporter on Earth would be dumb enough to consider them to be news.

I had been awakened to my true nature a few days earlier, when going down on my girl. She tasted a little, you know, not so fresh. And I remembered a nefarious, yet indistinct, plan I'd concocted in a previous life.

Yes, my friends, this site is my true home, and always has been.

THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE I CAN REALLY LET IT ALL HANG OUT. WHERE A KID CAN BE A KID, SO TO SPEAK.

THE VAGINAS OF THE WORLD SHALL BE CLEANSED WITH THE SQUIRT BOTTLE OF VENGEANCE, BUT NOT IN THE WAY YOU MAY HAVE EXPECTED.

ROB LIEFELD IS CONFUSED ABOUT HIS IDENTITY, BUT THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME LIEFELD HAS BEEN CONFUSED ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS! HE IS NOT THE REAL DOCTOR DOUCHE!

SO QUEEFS DOUCHE!!

O YES!!

[Double_G]

We opened our hearts to you and this is how you repay us?!

[unlimitedpudding]

He is not the real Doctor Douche.


I AM!!!!!!

SO QUEEFS DOUCHE!!!!!!

[Namblaman]

Will you two cut it out? I need your help to find Doctor Douche. He has already been on Earth far too long.

[anarky]

There's only a couple of cartoon characters who can solve this mystery.

Unfortunately, Batman and Shitpiece ain't two of them.

Ursa Major, are you a detective?

[Scooby Doo]

Rid rou ray rere's ra rystery? Roh, ruck reah! Ri rove ra rood rystery!!

[Starscream]

It's not common knowledge, but, following the fiasco with the Underbase and the shitty Jose Delbo art associated with that story, the Pretender shell which restored me to life was imprinted with the brain patterns of Doctor Douche, merging his nefarious, yet indistinct, plans for vaginal domination with my own. So, I guess you could say I'm a Doctordouchicon of sorts.

And, as such, I take on the avatar of the douchiest version of my character to ever exist; though, in the past, it was least accurate, I think I'm so douchey now that I have to even piss myself off with the weird monkey-chicken love child thing.

The real Doctor Douche is dead. I am his successor.

Bow before me--I mean, BOW BEFORE ME, OR I SHALL CLEANSE YOUR RUSTY VAGINAS WITH MY NULL RAYS OF, UH, NULL!!

SO QUEEFS THE DOUCHICON!

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

What.

[Slicker]

*sigh* Not again.

[Scooby Doo]

Rokay, Ranarky, Ri ras romised ra rystery, rand, rod ramn rit, Ri rant ra rucking rystery!!!

[anarky]

Sigh, I suppose one mystery-solving character is better than none.

I guess I have to spell it out for you? What's the deal with all these guys suddenly claiming to be Doctor Douche?

[unlimitedpudding]

Sigh, I suppose one mystery-solving character is better than none.

I guess I have to spell it out for you? What's the deal with all these guys suddenly claiming to be Doctor Douche?

Actually, I was just kidding. Now go have some toast.

[Double_G]

Actually, I was just kidding. Now go have some toast.

Don't you mean pudding, you Vince Offer groupie?

[unlimitedpudding]

Actually, I was just kidding. Now go have some toast.

Don't you mean pudding, you Vince Offer groupie?

I said TOAST! and I meant TOAST!