That's not the real The Grip!

[Michael Moore]

I've gotten used to the advances of The Grip over the years. He's made my asshole bleed on several occasions.

However, during the filming of my latest feature-length masterpiece, Sicko (available now on DVD!), I had the occasion to visit Cuba, where I learned a disturbing secret.

The man who has been ravaging the asses of the fathers of the world is not really The Grip! The real The Grip is interned at Guantanamo, where he was picked up while porking an Afghan terrorist in early 2002!

The truth must be told!

Donald Rumsfeld is personally responsible! He's an asshole!

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Donald Rumsfeld is personally responsible! He's an asshole!

Then he's met the Grin.

[bIZZARO tHE gRIP]

oH HO HO, sENIOR mOORE. eET ES YOU WHO ARE MISTAKEN. zEE gRIP MAKES EL SVEET AMOR TO TODO DE LA MADRES OF ZEE VORLD. aND aH MOST CERTAINLY AM zEE bIZZARO EL gRIP, WHO MAKE THE SVEET SVEET AMORE TO DEE PADRES DEL MUNDO. yOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW THAT sENIOR rUMSFELD'S HOLE TASTES LIKE LEMONS. i NO KNOW WHY.

[The Grip]

Ah am a beet, how you say? Confused. Ah most cairtainlah am Zee Grip. Eet says so en mah drivair's lahcense. Undt Ah have nevair seen your ahnus. Your wahfe's sweet nethair regions, si, but yours, Ah think not. Pairhaps you are mahstahken?

[Bizarro The Grin]

mICHAEL, mICHAEL, mICHAEL. oNCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE YOUR FACTS WRONG. fIRST OF ALL, IT'S ME, YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD bIZARRO tHE gRIN, AND NOT tHE gRIP, WHO IS DECIDEDLY INTO ONLY MOTHERS (AND, BY EXTENSION, GRANDMOTHERS, GREAT-GRANDMOTHERS, AND SO ON).

i WASN'T INTERRED AT gITMO. i WAS JUST VISITING aBDULLAH aL jAFARI bIN hUSSAIN aL aQUI mUSTAPHA nABOO iL aLFALFA. aND i WASN'T BEING RESTRAINED. i WAS WEARING ALL THAT BONDAGE GEAR OF MY OWN FREE VOLITION.

aRE YOU FORGETTING THAT i CAME TO VISIT YOU IN mIAMI THE NEXT DAY?

[Zero]

MICHAEL MOORE IS A BABYDADDY?!

WHAT UNFORTUNATE BITCH LET HIM SPUNK INSIDE HER?

I BET IT'S ONE UGLY BRAT.