Corporate stupidity

[anarky]

Here's an example.

About 6 weeks ago, I took an online survey on shaving cream. (My wife and I are signed up on several of these survey sites. It's pretty cool, actually.) I told them what I use, what my habits are, my demographic info, etc, and that I'd be willing to sample a product.

So they send me a cannister, tell me to use it all, then log back in and take a survey on it. The stuff works great. Problem is, I really like it, but there's no identifying markings on the cannister at all. So I take the survey once I'm done (just a few minutes ago, actually). I tell them how great the stuff is, that I'd definitely switch from what I was using, yadda yadda.

But they, at no point, identify the fucking product! Apparently it's because sometimes these are proposed improvements to existing products, sometimes new products, and it's no guarantee that said new product (or change) will ever hit the market.

What, they expect me to go out and try (or re-try) everything on the market to figure out what the hell it was I used that I like?

Just stupid. If the person testing the product says they like it, tell them what the hell it is.

[bIZZARO tHE gRIP]

oh HO HO! aH SEE YOU GOT ZEE CAN OF MY ESPICY SALSA AH HAVE ESENT YOU. eET NO ES ZEE EFIRST TIME YOU HAVE HAD ME ESPICY SALSA EN YOUR EFACE, NON?

eL bIZARRO eL gRIN Y aH SHALL ESEE YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY ROMP.

[Ran]

My wife was doing that survey thing with a bunch of baby products, but I thought all of them had their labels on the products.

Out of his big 3 of the last few years (Bowling, Fahrenheit 9/11, and Sicko), I think Sicko was the one that pissed Diabolical off the most...but in a good way.

[anarky]

I took an online survey last week. First, it's asking me about my personal grooming habits and such. Then it asks me what brands of deodorant I've ever heard of, and ever used.

Then it starts showing me pictures of random groups of men, asking me what deodorant they use and how it makes them feel. Then showed me the same groups, told me what brand to consider (even ones I said I'd never heard of), and started asking me questions about how they like the smell and when they use it, etc.

What the fuck?

It was worth about $10, so I kept on through the mess, but that is undoubtedly THE weirdest survey ever made. I cannot see how this could possibly benefit any manufacturer or advertiser.

[Swedish Chef]

urnaky weef der urmpit und bee stinkee snuuzen. Peeyoo! Bork bork!

[anarky]

Here's another one:

A survey is asking me if I live within 200 miles of "any of the following metropolitan areas," and allows only one response. Thing is, three of the choices are San Diego, Los Angeles, and Palm Springs.

Hmmm....

I'm 29 miles from Palm Springs, 83 miles from LA, and 99 miles from San Diego. Hmmm. How do I answer this?

[vynsane]

I'm 29 miles from Palm Springs, 83 miles from LA, and 99 miles from San Diego. Hmmm. How do I answer this?

i guess just say "yes"?

[anarky]

On a related topic to the last one, I just did a survey about local news channels. It gave a list of the LA channels and kept asking me to rate each one on different aspects of news.

Thing is, even though I kept choosing "other channel" as my preference, it never asked me why I don't watch LA news. (Partly because the audience is in about a 1,000 square mile radius, and they only cover LA proper, and partly because it's so incredibly dumbed down that my baby thinks it's all for morons.) I would've liked a chance to say, "I watch Palm Springs local news; even though PS is 30 miles away and has fewer news resources, I can actually get news that covers my area and that isn't reported by fucktards like Jillian Barbieri."

I did get to rate her poorly, though. That makes me happy. I hate that stupid bitch.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Ha ha. My fave part of the LA news is when they have someone reporting "live" from the location where the news happened several hours ago. And it's dark. And there's nothing going on.

"Hi. It's 10:00 PM and here we are on the steps of the courthouse where somebody was brought in at 7:00 AM this morning. As you can see, fuck all is happening here right now, but dammit were LIVE!"

That and their helicoptors will track down a car chase at the drop of a hat. Get three or four of those a week.

[anarky]

Yeah, the insistence upon "live" reports for minor things boggles my mind.

Also, it bugs me when there's a fire--not a huge fire, like the ones in the past couple of weeks--but just an abandoned warehouse burning. They'll pre-empt anything.

Or how about when they break into regular programming with an aerial shot of a few police cars parked with their lights on, and then the announcer says, "Urgent breaking news! There are several police vehicles on the scene. We're not sure what's going on...." Then here's an idea: don't report it until you do!

[vynsane]

Ha ha. My fave part of the LA news is when they have someone reporting "live" from the location where the news happened several hours ago. And it's dark. And there's nothing going on.

wasn't that the same thing that plagued "primetime: live" so much that they got rid of the "live" part and just ended up calling it "primetime"?

[anarky]

Another stupid survey thing:

I get one asking where I live, then listing all these sites about Los Angeles, asking how often I've visited them. I've never heard of them. So, clicking that I've never used them, I'm told I don't qualify for the survey.

Wouldn't it be helpful for whichever company is sponsoring the survey (obviously one or more of the sites listed) were to, I dunno, not just end it right there and give me info on the sites? Call me crazy, but if I'm taking a survey online, I'm not adverse to using the internet. So why not find out why I haven't used the sites?

I swear, these things are stupid. I did confirm with Mrs A (who worked at a marketing research company during college) that, ten times out of nine, these things are structured by the research company to give the client company whatever results they want to see. Which, again, seems to me to be stupid. Why would you want to only hear good things? Does it do any good if the surveys are rigged to give positive results, if you go bankrupt a month later?

[anarky]

Here's a non-survey one:

I ordered Sweeney Todd from amazon. (As often is the case, 2-disc sets are cheapest through them. Well, deepdiscount is cheaper sometimes, but they're slow and incompetent as fuck.)

It shipped on April 3. Normally, I have amazon packages within five business days, tops. Occasionally two. It was still not here yesterday. Their site even says it should've arrived by last Thursday. The post office has no info beyond the initial April 3 receipt.

I write to them, saying:

This package shows it was shipped on April 3, but I've not received it, and there is no tracking information since an arrival scan on the day it shipped. I've already received the other item from this order that was shipped separately, so I know the address is correct. (Just in case, the address is [my address].) Is there any information available regarding the whereabouts of this package beyond what is on the "Where's My Stuff" page?

Now, that's how I always have phrased it anytime I have to contact anyone about an MIA package. Normally, they respond with a "we're sorry, we just sent you another one." Sometimes they tell me to wait another week.

This is the response I got back from amazon (boldface mine):

Hello from Amazon.com.

I'm sorry--it appears that your shipment was lost in transit.

Please accept our sincere apologies for the problem with your order for "Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Two-Disc Special Collector's Edition)". I understand that you've said a replacement order won't arrive in time to meet your needs.

I'm uncertain how you'd like us to proceed. Normally we'd create a replacement order for the missing item right away, to be shipped to you as soon as possible at no additional charge.

We'd still be happy to arrange for a replacement to be sent to you. If this solution won't work for you, we can simply issue a refund for the item, along with the associated shipping costs.

Please use the link below to contact us again and indicate which option you prefer: Please visit the following link to provide the information we requested: [link was here]

Again, we're very sorry for the inconvenience this error has caused. We value your business and hope to serve you better in the future.

Best regards,
mandala roshan
Amazon.com Customer Service

So, they're fucking confused, and somehow it's my fault? Can someone please tell me where I entered the secret code that says "don't send me my movie"?

I wrote back using their form and simply said, "I did not receive this movie. Please send a replacement." I wanted to say, "What the fuck gave you the impression that I had some firm due date that had passed and didn't want this DVD?" But, given how the first letter confused them, I thought better of it. Until I receive the movie, that is.

[vynsane]

that's the problem with indian/bangaladeshi/chinese customer service. they get a book of responses to use but don't now how and when to use them.

[anarky]

I've actually gotten really good customer service from folks in Asia before. It's a matter of training. Training takes money, and most companies aren't willing to do it, since they're trying to cut the bottom line so much already by hiring people for $0.05 a week.

I still really can't figure out why a company would send its customer service to another country. Production, yeah. But the most important (and, in many cases, only) direct contact your company has with customers? Don't they know that one bad customer service experience can kill a relationship that's taken years to build?

In this case, I'm thinking fuck 'em. I hope the first one's just delayed and I get two.