the vynsane asylum

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 11:01 am

Dam that was a good one. Right before I made my way to the can, I got a phone call. Ended up on the phone for 20 minutes. By the time I made it to the bathroom, that turd was ready to drop. Came out of there like a frickin' freight train. Hi-Five.

I was going to put it in a sandwich bag and send it to Grimlock, but I was in too much of a rush.

captain funtime · Post by **captain funtime** » Tue Sep 05, 2006 5:27 pm

I took a shit one time and I broke the bowl, then the Kracken came through it.

emperordaddypants · Post by **emperordaddypants** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:35 am

THE TOILET IS DOOMED!!!! I JUST SHAT

Senor JabbaJohnL · Post by **Senor JabbaJohnL** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 1:14 pm

Oh man, this is a great thread . . . I have many shit stories to share . . .

First off, I should say that I usually go three or four times a day, at least. This can change with vacations or different foods or whatever, but I'm on the can quite a lot. It's not huge amounts every time but it still counts.

Story one: A few years ago, when I took a dump, I swear to god it made a perfect smiley face. I actually have the picture on a CD somewhere and I'll upload it later for your viewing pleasure.

Story two: For a period of a few years (around 2002-2004), every few months I'd get massive, explosive diarrhea for a few days. It got to the point where I'd take count of how many times I shat in a day; one time, it got to 17, and it might've been more other times.

Anyway, in the fall of 2004, I got my wisdom teeth taken out before they could grow in and fuck up everything. So, for a weekend, all I could eat was mushy foods like applesauce and soup and the like. So, as you can tell, I was already on a strained diet.

Then, all of a sudden, it hit me. I had one of my massive explosive bouts of diarrhea, right as I was recovering from my wisdom teeth stuff. I missed an entire week of school in all, and I lost ten fuckin' pounds that week. It took a while before I got back to "normal."

Story three: This one is more directly shit-related. In the summer of 2003, when The Hulk movie came out, my dad and I went to see it. First, we went to the Red Robin near the theater and they gave me an undercooked damn burger (even after we told them to take it back and re-do it).

I knew before the movie started, I was gonna have to take a shit. I went into the bathroom and I tried to go, but it just wasn't coming out.

About halfway through the movie, I started to have rumbles down in the pit of my gut. I just sat it out for a while since the action was building up and I didn't want to miss it.

And then the farts came.

And boy, did they come hard.

They were those ones where you're not sure whether or not you're shitting your pants as you're making them, but you can bet your sweet ass that there was some serious leakage going on. I was wearing shorts, so that didn't much help the situation. As I was leaving the theater to go to the bathroom, I could feel the shit dripping out of my hole and throughout my shorts.

Right when I got into the stall and pulled my pants partway down, the shit just exploded onto the toilet. I mean, seriously, it was all over the sides of the toilet and onto the ground. Holy fuck, it was nasty. I was in there for quite a while, and I ended up having to flush my underpants since there was no way I could wear those bad boys ever again.

The best part -- and I still feel bad about this -- is that the janitors were in the process of cleaning the bathroom as I was in the process of destroying it. And I missed the best part of the damn movie, but at that point, I didn't really care.

The Goat · Post by **The Goat** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 9:21 pm

One time, I was at the rock festival. I got nervous when they started passing me around the mosh pit and accidentally sprayed everyone with shit.

Antropov · Post by **Antropov** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 6:38 am

JJL, you story about seeing "Hulk" was fucking great, bro. Nasty as fuck, but great! You've proved your worth as a forumite.

Senor JabbaJohnL · Post by **Senor JabbaJohnL** » Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:50 pm

Thanks, man. Glad to know that shitting my pants is the only way to get accepted on here.

Oh, and another one I forgot:
This past summer, in the Badlands in South Dakota or wherever the hell they are, I had to take a shit. The only places available were port-a-pottys outside, so I went ahead and used it. The waste was about ten feet down, and all yellow and mushy for whatever reason. When I dropped the first turd, and I swear on my life that this is true, the splash came all the way up and hit me in the ass. I'm really surprised that I didn't get some kind of rash.

i aspacially luv 2 poop on gay guys dureng gay sex lol

And while not poo-related, yesterday it was 34 degrees and snowing up in the mountains, and when I pissed in the outhouse thing there was literally steam coming off my urine. It was awesome.

Slicker · Post by **Slicker** » Mon Sep 25, 2006 6:13 pm

I had one of the toughest shits of my life today. I now know how deep sea fishermen feel after a long fight with a marlin.

I was fighting to get this turd out of my ass for about 5 minutes and we were going back and forth. I'd push and get it to peek and then it'd retract. I was concentrating so hard that I actually had to put down my book and turn my full attention to the stubborn shit. I finally took a deep breath and pushed with all of my might. After a bowl echoing fart it finally came out and hit the bowl in a triumphal splash. After that plug came out the damn flood gates opened. I was literally peeing out of my ass. I highly doubt I could've stopped it had I wanted to.

I kid you not that after I got done I got in the shower and was so tired from the fight that I had to take a nap. No lie + i wuz tired from doing littel boyz + i am a gay faggit + amy wuz teh one that pushde mi shit in n e wayz

Alex Trebek · Post by **Alex Trebek** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:45 am

My morning constitutional came out and formed a "?" shape because demand that all responses are in the form of a question.

anarky · Post by **anarky** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 3:19 pm

This morning I had one of those classics. It's a really messy shit, the kind that turns into brown crumbs in the toilet and takes for-frigging-ever to wipe off. And so I use a lot of paper, and it's obviously in the bowl. And then my intestines tell me that the motherload is coming! So out comes this perfectly-shaped poopieturd, about nine inches long, and it's just curled up on the mat of toilet paper.

It was a shame to flush it. I wish I could've framed that sucker.

Eternal Padawan · Post by **Eternal Padawan** » Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:33 pm

That's why god ( or perhaps the Germans...or maybe the Japanese) invented the digital camera. And somebody even put them into the phones we carry everywhere. Every person has at least one "turd" pic on their camera phone. Everyone.

Poops like that come along once in a decade. Shame on you for not capturing the moment. And it's Christmas card season too. Shame...

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 8:35 am

I had a shit this morning that folded itself in half, like a V - the point of which was down the drain. The 2 ends were both breaking water, reminding me of Lex Luthor's Kryptonite continent from Superman Returns.

I think today, in honour of this shit, I'll watch Superman Returns again (just saw it yesterday) and perhaps V for Vendetta.

Diabolical · Post by **Diabolical** » Sun Jan 21, 2007 9:36 pm

jjreason wrote:I think today, in honour of this shit, I'll watch Superman Returns again (just saw it yesterday) and perhaps V for Vendetta.

Since it is shit, how about Rocky V?

jjreason · Post by **jjreason** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 6:34 pm

Perhaps, but it was Rocky IV during which he was training by carrying the huge log on his shoulders, was it not? I might have to watch both.

Ran · Post by **Ran** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 7:09 pm

If you are going for "IV", you might as well try for Iron Eagle IV. You can imitate Louis Gossett Jr's career as you plop out turd after turd that promply sink to the bottom.

BM