the vynsane asylum

Hey, you guys forgot all about me, didn't you? That's the great thing about being veep. Two hundred thou a year for just being invisible. Incredible. I wasn't running for president; that's just stupid. VP is where the money is, without the responsibility. You don't see anyone insisting I was born in...

When I take office, one of my first priorities will be ending this war in Trucial Abysmia. I hear the people every morning from my Amtrak, and they're talking about how we were lied to about it being an easy victory, mocking Admiral Keel-Haul for appearing with a "Mission Accomplished" ban...

Everyone who voted for Barack Obama will receive a free ShamWow. You'll be talking about it around the dinner table every morning at breakfast for years to come. Those who voted for McCain, or any other candidate, will have to pay twenty bucks for their ShamWows. But you were gonna spend twenty buck...

Anarky, I remember what my father used to say. He said, "Champ, when you spill a beer, you pull out your handy, dandy ShamWow and you clean it up." I hear the families all across America from my train every morning, and they're sitting around the dinner table after the kids have gone to be...

Jargo wrote:The negro man seemed to be coming across like a cult leader trying to make you part with yours and other hard earned cash while recieving nothing in return.

He may be a Negro, but he's clean. That's storybook, man!

People of America, I hope Barack has enlightened you, and that you will cast your ballot Tuesday to make him the next President of the United States of America, and to make me the Vice President.

Because you're gonna spend twenty bucks a month on paper towels anyway.

I'm not saying John McCain is old, God love him--as my mother would say, Gold love him--but he went to elementary school with Chester A. Arthur.

People don't discuss kickass Sideshow Collectible G.I.Joe figures around their kitchen tables. I know this. I take the Amtrak to work every morning, and I can hear them sitting around the table after the kids have gone to bed, worried about how they're going to afford a BMF Falcon for little Tommy,...

Doctor Douche, we as Americans appreciate the good work you did on assisting us with overthrowing Action Online. Why don't you stand up and take a bow? Uh, oh yeah, sorry.

That image is offensive to me as an American. You should not insult Barack Obama. Barack Obama is the first African-American candidate for office who is clean. His aftershave does smell a little like feet, but he takes a shower every morning, sometimes six, seven times a day.

Folks like you, anarky, should not fear. I know you're discussing your home on Main Street around the dinner table with Bob and Maggie and Bessie and Little Jimbo, and maybe their friends Spanky and Laquisha stopped by for some of your wife's pancakes, and Barack Obama feels your pain. Mark my words...